9 Drinks & What They Say About The Girl Drinking Them

Every girl has her drink of choice, but what does that drink say about the girl drinking it?

VODKA SODA

Very concerned about the body and health, but loves blacking out still. Basic, as they say.

WHITE WINE

White wine is red wine’s rowdy cousin. Being such a popular choice, it is used as the ammo for a budding woman’s alcoholic firearm. Most of the time, white wine is drank straight from the bottle or in crazy large quantities at a time. Girls who enjoy white wine are usually in their early twenties and use the stuff to pregame a night downtown or as Netflix binge fuel for shows you don’t care about. These girls are either crazy attractive or shouldn’t be seen in a tight dress. Did I mention that when I say “white wine,” I’m probably talking about moscato, being one of the only white wines women drink. Note: 10 & 9 are negated for true wine connoisseurs.

VODKA PINEAPPLE

This woman is out with the girls. Though she may step out to perform awkward arm and hip-thrusting movements in a small circle with her other girlfriends, the most she’ll throw any dude’s way is a coy look and an adorable smile. Not totally opposed to meeting a man while out on the town, she’s far less likely to go home with one than many of her differently imbibing counterparts. If you’re lucky, she’ll give you her number, but three other girls will be standing less than two feet behind her, snickering, as she does so.

She almost definitely wears something colorful with frills or flow to express an avidly female attitude, and she loves getting greasy food on her way home from the bar while she and her friends discuss how reckless they’re being, calorie-wise.

RED WINE

This girl probably thinks she’s better than you. In fact, she almost certainly thinks she’s above being at whatever noisy bar you’ve found yourself in on this Saturday night. Quite possibly out by herself, the wine drinker will take her perch at the bar, her classic, little black dress draping modestly over the stool, where she’ll wait for you to go up to her.Your pickup lines will fall flat, but you may not know it until fifteen minutes into your conversation because she’s been keeping you around for her own amusement. If there with another female friend (she’ll be with three other women, max), their eyes will all drift around the room until landing on the man who they know will purchase their next glass of Merlot or Pinot Noir.

BEER

Practical, fun, and most likely cheerful, the beer drinking woman doesn’t allow her drink of choice to set her apart from the male masses. If she spills her over-full pint glass on you as she shakes with laughter over some crack made by the guy standing next to her, you won’t mind because her facial reaction and genuine apology will make up for it. Not afraid of belching in public, she will probably agree to take shots when all the guys do, and she will keep up successfully.

Unfortunately, too many guys pass her by when it comes to $ex and romance because they’ve been staring at pineapple vodka girl all night.

RUM & COKE

Honestly, I wouldn’t trust this girl. Something about deliberately ordering a rum and coke on a night out feels like a request for trouble. She may very well get too drunk by the end of the night (at which point you’ve got to respect the girl’s boundaries, i.e. not try and follow her/take her home), but before that she’ll flirt voraciously, which will be harmless and a lot of fun for everyone involved. A rum drinker, also, can dance. Ass-to-the-ground-without-knees-cracking dance. She knows what she wants, too, which is one thing you can definitely trust in her: If she doesn’t get her way, look out.

WHISKEY

Why is it that men are always shocked and impressed when a woman orders whiskey? Though possibly viewed as more of a “man’s drink,” whiskey on the breath of a woman indicates maturity, independence, and $exual prowess. The whiskey drinking woman will talk to anybody, from the security guard to the bartender to the guy sitting alone in the corner to the bathroom attendant, and she will fall into each of their good graces by the end of the night (perhaps having made out with one and having smoked a joint with another). She feels right at home in any bar, but it might take her a few sips to get comfortable enough to start bringing the fun.

GIN & TONIC

One part aloof and one part too smart and funny for her own good, a girl drinking G & T’s at the bar will engage men and women alike with top-notch banter but will never get too wild.

A classic warm weather cocktail, the G & T will sweep drinkers up in it’s lazy, languid attitude, causing the woman who drinks one to become nonchalant in a possibly irksome manner, if you’ve come out that night to seriously party. This woman’s most surprising aspect may reveal itself when it’s time to go home, at which point she’s been removed enough to have chosen her target for the night–she’s had a good idea of who she wants to bring home with her from two hours back, and now it’s time for her to fulfill it. Any guy will be thrilled to find out he’s the chosen one.

TEQUILA

Tequila speaks (and parties) for itself. A woman drinking tequila is out for a) a crazy time, or b) to forever bury the thoughts of a horrible ex or a particularly lame day at work. Obviously the life of the party, this woman will likely make it to the top of the bar at least once during the course of the night. She will also constantly invite the masses to down more tequila shots with her. You will fall in love with her, and she will fall in love with you–or, she’ll slap you very hard across the face.

To be fair, a woman can embody any of these girls on any given night. Depending on mood, the cycle of moon, and a variety of normal human factors, a lady can go from a coy red wine drinker one night to a wild, tequila slapper the next. Regardless of what she’s drinking, she’ll still wake up the next morning with a personality detached from any beverage, so never judge a girl by her drink 100% of the time.